A blonde calls the fire department and says, "Help me! My house is on fire! Come quick!!"

"Okay, lady. Calm down. Now, how do we get there?"

"Duh-uh! Your big red truck!"

A blonde walks into a furniture store and tells the salesman, "My interior decorator says I should buy a sexual couch."

The salesman smiles and says, "I think he meant a sectional couch."

"No, I'm sure he said sexual couch. It's for an an occasional piece in the living room."

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asks what's wrong.

"Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"Oh, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"

Calmly, the blonde replies, "No, I'm better off here. I need a distraction, so I'd like to stay."

A few hours later the boss checks on his employee and finds her crying hysterically, much more than she had been earlier.

"What happened? Are you OK?"

The blonde whimpered, "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She told me that her mom died, too!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up ... you're next!"

Dear Son,

I am writing this letter slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last blonde family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice, it even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it work's too well, though. Last week I put in three shirts, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad, it only rained twice last week. The first time it rained for three days, and the second time it rained for four days.

I mailed you the coat you wanted me to send, but your aunt Sue said it would be a too heavy for the mail with all them buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, up she comes.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an Aunt or an Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in a whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news this time, nothing much has happened.

Love,

Mom

P.S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.

First blonde: What's in that bag?

Second blonde: Chickens.

First blonde: If I guess how many there are, can I have one?

Second blonde: If you guess how many there are, you can have both of them.

First blonde: Hmmm ... Six?

Two blondes in a pickup truck drive into a lumber yard. One of them walks into the office and says, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk says, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The blonde says, "I'll go check." After consulting with the other blonde she returns and says, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

"A long time. We're gonna build a house."

A blonde wearing headphones walks into a hair salon and asks for a haircut. The hair dresser asks her to take off the headphones, but the blonde says, "I'll just die if I have to take off my headphones!"

The hair dresser starts cutting her hair with the headphones on. Soon after she starts cutting her hair, the blonde falls asleep. The hair dresser thinks, "This is stupid. I'm going to remove the headphones so I can cut this lady's hair."

She does, and the blonde dies instantly.

As the ambulance is pulling away with the body, the hairdresser picks up the headphones and listens to them. She hears, "Breathe in ... Breathe out ... Breathe in ... Breathe out ..."

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.

P: "Uh ... How's that working?"

B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

P. "And why do you think that is?"

B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

A blonde went to a flying school to learn to fly a helicopter.

The owner said, "I'm sorry, all my instructors are busy and I have to stay and mind the store." The blonde insisted, "But I really, really want to learn to fly a helicopter."

The owner said no again, but the blonde persisted. After half an hour, the owner finally agreed to let her fly solo, and he'd instruct her over the radio. He took her out, showed her how to start the craft, gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

The blonde climbed to a thousand feet and radioed in, "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this. Who says blondes can't fly?!?"

At two thousand feet, the radioed again, saying how easy it was learning to fly.

The instructor watched her climb over three thousand feet and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as her chopper crashed about half a mile away. He ran to the scene and pulled her from the wreckage. As soon as he got her out he asked what happened. She said, "I don't know. Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

ASPHALT: Rectal dysfunction.

"NO KIDDING": A form of birth control.

PETER PAN: Something for under her boyfriend's bed.

MOBY DICK: A social disease.

SANITARY BELT: a drink from clean shot glass.

KOTEX: A radio station in Texas.

FETUS: A character in "Gunsmoke".

MUSHROOM: A place to kiss.

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three. It was so foggy they couldn't see the green, although they could see the flag. Each hit her ball anyway.

When they got to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.

They couldn't figure out which ball belonged to whom, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the club house and asked the golf pro for a ruling.

The pro listened to the story and congratulated them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions. The blondes asked, "But how can we tell which of us shot the hole in one?"

The pro asked, "That shouldn't be too hard to figure out. Who was playing the yellow ball?"

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21," "21," "21."

A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21," "21," "21."

Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps from the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.

The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail, saying, "22," "22," "22."

Three men and a blonde are talking in a train compartment. The conversation turns to the erotic. Then, the blonde proposes, "If each of you will give me a dollar, I'll show you my legs."

The men all pull a buck out of their wallet and the blonde pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you will give me ten dollars, I'll show you my thighs."

Each of the men pull out a ten dollar bill and the blonde pulls up her dress all the way to her undies. The blonde says, "If you each give me a hundred dollars, I'll show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

Naturally, all three fork over the money. The blonde points out the train window to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"

Not too long ago a blonde woman I know had a near death experience that has changed her forever. She was horseback riding, and everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Her foot became caught in the stirrup. She fell head first to the ground and her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just when things were looking their worst, as she was giving up hope and about to lose consciousness, there was a miracle: The Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it.

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are about to be executed.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim! ..."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone is startled and looks around as the brunette escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim! ..."

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!" Once again, everyone is startled and looks around, while the redhead silently slips away.

By now the blonde has it all figured out, and the guard brings her forward. The executioner asks if she has any last requests, she says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim! ..." and the blonde yells, "FIRE!"

A business man gets on an elevator. A blonde already inside greets him by saying, "T-G-I-F!"

He smiles at her and replies, "S-H-I-T."

She looks at him, puzzled, and again says, "T-G-I-F!" Once again the man acknowledges her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decides to explain things, and this time she says, "T-G-I-F. Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answers, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.

When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. The ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in just 51 days!"

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, " he doesn't even know that there are steelhead in this river!"

While interviewing a young blonde for a job, the employer decided to ask a philosophical question. "If you could spend an evening talking to any person, living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde enthusiastically responded, "The living one, of course!"

A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to the lottery people and says, "Here's my ticket. I want my $20 million."

"I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million now and then you'll get another million every year for the next nineteen years."

"Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said:

"How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Two blondes are in line at McDonalds. The woman ahead of them is very big and obese. All of a sudden the big woman's beeper goes off. One blonde turns to the other and yells, "Look out! She's backing up!!"

A blonde is flying to a nearby state. She's never been on an airplane before and is very excited and tense. She boards the plane, a Boeing 747, and starts jumping up and down excitedly, hopping from seat to seat shouting, "Boeing! Boeing! Boeing! ..."

She's so loud that even the pilot in the cockpit hears the noise. Annoyed, the Pilot comes out and shouts, "Be silent!"

The blonde stares at the pilot for a moment and starts shouting, "oeing! oeing! oeing! ..."

Even a blonde can have her day ... sometimes

Q: Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
A: It doesn't show the dirt.

Q: Who makes the bras for brunettes?
A: Fisher-Price

Q: Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A: The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable

Q: Why are most brunettes flat-chested?
A: It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts

Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustache

Q: Why is the color brunette considered evil?
A: When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch?

Q: How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
A: Check her for a pulse

Q: What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
A: A brunette rabbit

Q: Why do brunettes wear training bras?
A: It's cheaper than changing their band-aids every day

Q: Why did they quit selling brunette Barbie dolls?
A: Parents felt the dandruff might be contagious

Q: How do brunettes get the tangles out their hair?
A: With a rake

Q: What kind of costumes do brunette girls wear on Halloween?
A: They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops

Q: Why don't brunettes get breast implants?
A: They've already spent their money on thigh & butt implants

Q: What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover?
A: "What part of 'yes' don't you understand?"

Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: So ugly men wouldn't feel left out

Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation

Q: Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant?
A: From their underarms

Q: Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job?
A: Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch

Q: How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
A: Startled

Q: What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage

Q: How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
A: By studying what oil spills did to seaweed

Q: What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
A: At least the trash gets taken out once a week

Q. How do you tell a brunette you're not interested?
A. It ain't hard.

Q. What does a brunette look for all her life and then just dies when she finds one?
A. A gray hair.

We return you now to our regularly scheduled blonde jokes!!

A blonde goes to the drug store to buy her husband some toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.

"I'm looking for some deodorant for my husband, but I don't know what type he uses."

The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"

"No. It's for his underarms."

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde escape from prison. In their attempt to elude their pursuers, they ran into an old barn and hide in the hayloft. Up there they find three large gunnysacks and decide to climb into them for camouflage.

Hot on their heels come the sheriff and his deputy. The sheriff sends the deputy up to the hayloft. When he gets there the sheriff asks, "What's there?" The deputy yells back, "Just three gunnysacks."

"What's in 'em?".

The deputy kicks the redhead's sack. She goes, "Bow-wow", and the deputy hollers back to the sheriff, "There's a dog in this one."

He goes on to the brunette's sack. She says, "Meow", and the deputy reports the presence of a cat.

Then he kicks the blonde's sack, and the blonde yells out, "POTATOES!"

A blonde was hitch-hiking along an empty desert highway. After five or six cars had passed her without even slowing down, she decided the only way she'd ever get a ride was to take all her clothes off. Before long, a group of Hell's Angels rode by. The gang spotted her and acted quickly. They dragged her off into the woods and gang-dressed her.

Q: What three words will a sorority girl never hear?
A: "Attention K-mart shoppers"

Q: Why does a sorority girl close her eyes during sex?
A: So she can fantasize about shopping.

Q: What is a sorority girl's favorite sexual position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

Q: What do you call a sorority girl's waterbed?
A1: The Dead Sea
A2: Lake Placid

Q: How can you tell if a sorority girl's a nymphomaniac?
A: She'll make love the same day she has her hair done.

Q: What's a sorority girl's idea of natural childbirth?
A: No makeup.

Q: What's the difference between a sorority girl and a barracuda?
A: Nail polish.

Q: How do you prevent a sorority girl from having sex?
A: Marry her.

Q: How do you keep a blonde amused for hours?

A: Scroll Down

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Scroll Up

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose 20 pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice and after thirty days was pleased to find that she had indeed lost 20 pounds.

She phones the doctor and thanks him for the advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I'm now 300 miles away?"

A blonde walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight."

The clerk looks at the shoes. "Try pulling the tongue out."

"Nath .. theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."

Two blondes are walking down the street when the first one says, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked ... "Is it on or off?"

Did you hear about the blonde who ...

... lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.

... thought that "asphalt" was rectum trouble.

... was called Tapioca because she could be made in a minute.

... thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.

... thought "no kidding" referred to birth control.

... thought that Peter Pan was something for under the bed.

... thought Moby Dick was a veneral disease.

... thought a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.

... smelled terrible on one side because she couldn't find the Left Guard.

... changed into a union suit when she started having labor pains.

... studied five days for a urine test.

... thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.

... thought "fetus" was a character from "Gunsmoke".

... thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.

... raced in the Indy 500 and had to stop six times for directions.

... put 75 holes in her face? She was learning to eat with a fork.

Two Blondes were walking down the street when one noticed a compact on the sidewalk. She picked it up, opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

The second Blonde said, "Let me look!"

The first Blonde handed her the compact.

The second Blonde studied the mirror and said, "You idiot! It's me!"

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde retorted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means! Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde headed for the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator.

Later, the shopkeeper spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Lying nearby are several dead alligators.

As the shopkeeper watches in amazement, the blonde flips one of the alligators on its back and, frustrated, shouts out, "Dammit! This one isn't wearing any shoes either!!"

A blonde was trying to sell her old car, but had little luck because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a coworker. The coworker told her, "It is possibile to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter. I really need to sell the car."

"Okay. Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he'll turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then you won't have any problem selling it."

A month later, the coworker asked the blonde, "Did you ever sell your car?"

"No. Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

Q: Did you hear about the two blond thieves who stole a calendar?
A: They each got six months.

Q: How can you spot a flock of blonde geese?
A: They're the ones walking south for the winter.

Q: Where do you find a blonde bat?
A: Lying dazed on the ground next to the side of a barn.

Q. Why can't blondes tease their hair?
A. Because it's not funny.

Q. Why does it take 5 brunettes to change a light bulb?
A. To help out the blonde that's been trying for weeks.

Q. How do you recognize a blonde at the airport?
A. She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men at a time can fit in a broom closet.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because He didn't want them to sh*t in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge!

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive to men?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
A3: You can't fit a blonde inside a bowling ball

Q: How does the blonde turn on the light after sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: How are a blonde and a bowling ball alike?
A: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they always come back for more.

Q: What is the difference between blondes and hookers?
A: Blondes cost less per score.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs.

Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Force-feed the elephant.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduce herself.
A2: Walks home.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has achieved orgasm?
A: She drops her nail file.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaadddy, I want to go to Mi-ammmmi."

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
A: Unknown. There is only so much an ape can be forced to do.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Everyone gets a turn.

Q: How do you get a blonde in your bed?
A: Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door and throw a Twinkie on the bed.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde doll?
A: You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.

Q: Did you hear about the new abortion clinic for blondes?
A: It's so popular there's a one year waiting list.

Q: Have you ever seen a blonde firing squad?
A: They stand in a circle.

Q: How did sixty blondes died at the Naval Base.
A: Trying to push start a submarine.

Q: What's the last thing a blonde stripper takes off?
A: Her bowling shoes.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde massage parlor?
A: It's self service.

Q: How do you tell a blonde on the slopes?
A: Her skis have snow chains.

Q: Why don't blondes buy balloons?
A: Balloons don't come with instructions.

Q: How did the blonde lose her boyfriend?
A: She forgot where she laid him.

Q: Why was the blonde called "tapioca"?
A: She could be made in a minute.

Q: Why did the blonde think her typewriter was pregnant?
A: It missed a period.

Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on one side?
A: She couldn't find the Left Guard.

Q: Why did the blonde wear a union suit?
A: She was having labor pains.

Q: Why did the blonde driver lose the Indianapolis 500?
A: She made seven pit stops: one for gas and six for directions.

Q: Why did the blonde have holes in her face?
A: Learning to eat with a fork.

Q: What happened to the two blonde thieves who stole a calendar?
A: They each got six months.

Q: Why did the blonde's belly button hurt?
A: Her boyfriend is blonde, too.

Q: What goes "Vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A: A blonde driving through a flashing red light.

Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: What did the blonde say when she went to check if her turn signal was working?"
A: "Yes it is. No it isn't. Yes it is. No it isn't."

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: And why do blondes write TGIF on their blouses?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: Why did the M&M Company fire the blonde employee?
A: She kept throwing away the W's.

Q: What do you call four blondes at a four way stop?
A: Eternity.

Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower?
A: Give her a bottle of shampoo that says "Wash, rinse, and repeat."

Q: Why did the blonde get very depressed?
A: She looked at her driver's license and saw she had an "F" in sex.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?
A: Wite-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: Writing on the white-out.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "Did the blonde b*tch leave yet?"

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Buy her another beer.

Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What disease paralyzes blondes from the waist down?
A: Marriage.

Q: What is a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: A padded dashboard.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of a man's perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a bar.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin'

Q: What did the Blonde get on her S.A.T.?
A: Nail polish!

Q: What do you call half a dozen blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
A: A wind tunnel

Q: Why don't blonde mothers breast feed their babies?
A: It hurts too much to boil the nipples.

Q: Why did the blonde wear a windbreaker and a ski parka when she painted the room?
A: Because the paint directions said, "For best results put on two coats."

Q: What do you call it when a stadium full of blondes does "The Wave"?
A: A mass drowning.

Q: What happened when the blonde accidentally drove her pickup truck into the lake?
A: Her dog drowned while she was trying to lower the tailgate.

Q: What happened when the blonde tried tap dancing?
A: She broke her ankle when she fell into the sink.

Q: Why don't blondes eat barbecue beans?
A: Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is on a drilling rig?
A: She's the one throwing bread crumbs to the helicopters.

Q: How many blondes does it take to eat an armadillo?
A: Two. One to do the eating, and one to watch for cars.

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill

Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress

Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q:What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row?
A:A wind tunnel

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: Space Invader

Q: What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump

Q: What does Dr. "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space: The final frontier ..."

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: Why don't blondes have jobs as elevator operators?
A: They can't learn the route

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool
A2: Don't tell her to swallow
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?
A: Tell her a joke on Friday night

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen

Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white out

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once

Q: Why do blondes write TGIF in the bottom of their shoes?
A: As a reminder: Toes Go In First

Q: Why do blondes have on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front

Q: How can you tell when a FAX has come from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: The pop tarts come out of the toaster in one piece

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number
A2: They can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 911

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduce herself
A2: Walk home

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two: One to hold the Diet Pepsi and one to call "Daaddy!"
A2: What's a light bulb?

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde. There's no such thing as Santa Claus, ther's no such thing as the tooth fairy ...
A2: None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask directions

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's?
A: Her IQ goes up

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a briefcase?
A: Branch Manager

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: ten - One to mix the dough and nine to peel the M&Ms.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B-L-O-N - ah, oh well. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yeah yeah yeah!!"

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: To keep the refrigerator cold

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: I don't know (Neither did she)

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years"

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look: Doughnut seeds."

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them

Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck

Q: What goes VROOM! ... SCREECH!! ... VROOM! ... SCREECH!! ... VROOM! ... SCREECH!! ...
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. A passerby asks, "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle."

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six please. I'm not hungry enough to eat twelve pieces."

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to piss in the corner

Q: How do you confuse her even more?
A: Ask her where she peed

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni

Q: How does a blonde spell farm?
A: E - I - E - I - O

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like h*ll: she's got a hand grenade in her mouth!

Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought

Q: Why did the blonde cook a chicken for three and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125 pounds

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger of top of the nail she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out light bulbs

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but nobody has ever seen one.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep

Q: How many blondes does it take to playHide and Seek?
A: One

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know which one came first

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on the box, "Good for up to 20 pounds"

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it

Q: What does a blonde's vacation postcard say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell Porsche!

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the Zamboni.

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.

Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A: A prostitoad.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for two hours?
A: Because it said "Concentrate".

Q: Why don't blondes work as elevator operators?
A: They can't learn the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What is the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.

Q: What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
A: What are you guys still doing here?

Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What does a blond say during a porno movie?
A: "There I am!!"

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why did the blonde have square tits?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented a solar-powered flashlight?

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An in-body experience!

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes fiction?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I SAID: I'm drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the brunette?
A: "Did that blonde bitch leave yet?"

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing AIDS.

Q: What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Are you done yet?" The nymphomaniac says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige ... I think ceiling should be painted beige."

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was found frozen to death in her car at a drive-in movie?
A: She had gone to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are more easily amused.

Q: "... think about it."
A: "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"

The clerk replies, "That is a thermos."

"What does it do?"

"It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."

The blonde says, "I'll take it!"

The next day, she walks into work with her new thermos. Her blonde boss sees her and asks, "What is that shiny thing?"

She said, "It's a thermos."

"What does it do?"

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"Wow, what do you have in it?"

"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle."

Blonde 1: Did you hear that Tiger Wood's brother, Fire, was arrested?

Blonde 2: No. What happened?

Blonde 1: I don't know, but the other day I saw a sign saying "Free Fire Wood".

Two blondes were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

The other blonde yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "I can only use the ones that are pointed toward the house!"

The second blonde became very angry and said, "You idiot! Those are for the other side of the house!!"

A beautiful blonde boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move."

The woman replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."

The attendant called for her supervisor who checked the ticket and also advised the woman that she had to move.

Again she replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."

The supervisor called for the captain. After some thought, the captain whispered into the passenger's ear. Immediately, the woman got up and moved back to coach.

"Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant.

The captain replied, "I just told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave,"

A guy is working at a porno shop when a white woman comes in and asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." "And how much for the black one?" "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." The woman says, "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

A short time later a black woman comes into the shop. She asks, "How much for the black dildo?" "$35." "How much for the white one?" "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She says, "Hmmm ... I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He says, "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She says, "... And how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He replies, "Well, that's a very special dildo. It'll cost you $165." She thinks a moment and says, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before." She pays him, and off she goes.

A short time later the guy's boss comes in and asks, "How did you do?" The saleman respons, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump.

The station cuts to a commercial.

Brunette: "I bet you $20 he's going to jump."

Blonde: "OK."

(back to newscast) He jumps.

Blonde: "Here's my $20."

Brunette: "No, that was too easy. I can't take it."

Blonde: "I insist. I lost."

Brunette: "I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet."

Blonde: "I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice."

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

A blonde was driving down the highway to go bear hunting when she saw a sign that said "Bear Left". She said to herself "Oh, well ..." and turned around and drove home. On her way home she saw another sign that said "Clean Rest Rooms 8 Miles". By the time she had driven the eight miles she'd cleaned 43 restrooms.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks; those are wolf tracks." "No. They're deer tracks." The two keep arguing and arguing, and half an hour later they were both killed by a train.

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were in the gynecologist's office for prenatal check-ups. The doctor asked the brunette, "What position were you in when the baby was conceived?" "He was on top," she replied. The doctor said, "You are going to have a boy." Then he asked the redhead. She said, "I was on top." The doctor said, "You are going to have a baby girl." With this, the blonde burst into tears. "What's the matter?" asked the doctor. "I'm going to have puppies!!"

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.

The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"

The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"

The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

A blonde walks into work with both of her ears bandaged up.
The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"

The blonde replies, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and ... (holding an imaginary iron up to her ear) pssst! I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to the other ear?"

"I had to call the doctor."

A blonde competed with a brunette and a redhead in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "I was just running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....'".

Three blondes are stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy godmother appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, her hair turns brown and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so her hair turns black, she builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

Send me mail: cmacina at nac dot net (Sorry there's no link -- this is to reduce spam)

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