Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

Forget the Joneses. We keep up with the Simpsons.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Rehab is for quitters.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Send me mail: cmacina at nac dot net (Sorry there's no link -- this is to reduce spam)

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